Having an Autistic child can have an impact on the whole family, but often little support is provided to help people to understand this condition and what it means. This is especially true for siblings. Whilst parents are likely to have been directly involved in the assessment process and will be directed to various sources for post-diagnostic support; siblings are often excluded from this and left in the dark as to what this condition means. However, Autism still has a significant impact on their everyday lives.
For older siblings there is sometimes a pressure for them to become an additional parent to their sibling when they are at school. They may help them to navigate tricky social situations on the playground or support them when they are overwhelmed by the sound of the fire alarm drill, or in the crowded assembly hall.
For younger siblings, certain assumptions are often made as to how they will cope with situations when they transition through school behind their older siblings who has found it hard. Some teachers may even expect them to have the same difficulties as their sibling.
At home parents may have to focus more of their attention on the needs of their Autistic child; helping them to manage their emotional regulation and preventing meltdowns at times of unexpected change or transitions. This can make it harder to go out as a family, with potentially reduced opportunities for spontaneous trips to the park or beach.
Dishearteningly, some people refer to Neurodivergent siblings as ‘glass siblings.’ The ones that parents look through whilst they are trying to manage the needs of their Autistic child. This can lead to an array of negative emotions in that sibling, feeling like their needs always come second place.
It is also important to consider the siblings relationships themselves. Without support it can be hard to know how to play together, or how best to communicate with their sibling. It can also be difficult for the sibling if they do not share an interest in their sister/brother’s hobbies, especially if they engage in this hobby at length.
However, given the right support, siblings can develop loving and supportive relationships. Some go on to be passionate advocates and allies for their siblings; using their lived experiences to help educate and inform others; potentially choosing careers linked to helping professions. The key to achieve this is by thinking about the following:
Siblings need to be just as involved with sessions to understand Autism, as their parents and family member. Relationships are a two-way process and we should not expect siblings to be able to develop supportive connections, unless they are given help to understand each other.
A neuro-typical sibling will need age-appropriate information to help them to understand what Autism is, and how best they can communicate to and interact with their sibling.
They will benefit from opportunities to ask open questions in a non-judgemental environment, so that they can build up their understanding and empathy about challenges that their siblings may face. This will help to reduce the likelihood of feelings of frustration, anger or resentment which may otherwise build up towards their sibling.
Research has suggested that siblings can become just as emotionally impacted by challenging situations as their parents. It is therefore important that they have time to talk about their emotions and that they can develop healthy coping strategies to manage these effectively.
Opportunities for play are vital to establish a healthy bond. Play should be encouraged between siblings from a young age, but certain adjustments may be needed to help facilitate this. This may require an adult to model play initially, as well as making the rules explicit from the start and setting expectations as to when the game will end. It can also help to base play around shared interests and hobbies that both siblings are engaged with.
Developing a positive Neuro-affirming environment at home, will help family members to build their own self-esteem and acknowledge the strengths that they do have. This will make it easier for siblings to notice positive aspects about their siblings character too.
Make Autism-friendly strategies commonplace for the whole family. Most Autism strategies can be beneficial to everyone, regardless of their Neurodiversity. Whether this is the use of family planners to allow people to know what they are going to expect in the coming week; strategies for emotional regulation; practicing mindfulness; or fidget toys. Having these accessible to everyone can help foster a sense of inclusivity and belonging.
Siblings will also benefit from time to focus on their own individual hobbies. It will be key to give them space to develop their own unique identity and passions.
Finally siblings may wish to meet and interact with siblings who have had similar experiences to themselves. They may wish to join sibling support groups to help them with this.
At This Is Me Psychology we can provide psychoeducational and psychology support sessions which are tailored specifically to support siblings.
Please email us at: contact@thisismepsychology.co.uk or phone on: 07425 635952 to book an appointment.
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